jeckyll and hyde

well, it is past midnight and i can't sleep. abby has been sick the last week and a half. it first started with a cold, as soon as she got over that she got a stomach bug. i think we are at the tale end of it. i am praying she gets better so we can go OUTSIDE, play with kenny this weekend, and so i can see his baby sister's new curtains (no pressure emily!). anyway, she was pretty sick today and hardly eating and i'm stressing out about her loosing weight, the little that she has (i know ryan was that skinny when he was little and that he survived, but it doesn't make me feel better). then all of a sudden i start with severe dizziness, no i'm not pregnant, sure of it, so i ended up taking a long nap with her, and now i am awake....writing.
it has been interesting lately, having a two year old i mean. she used to be sweet and for the most part easy going and serious. then all of a sudden this jeckyll and hyde thing happened. it is so mentally exhausting! i just don't know how many more times i can go through why "we don't hit mammma or daddy", or "if you stay still changing your diaper would take me 30 seconds instead of 10 minutes". i was reading a journal entry through babycenter.com by a mom who has a little girl (violet) who is about 8 months older than abby and i just happened to read the following:

"I wrote last week about a rough patch me and Vi have been going through, and usually when I write something like that, the next week I can look at it and go “Pshaw! Glad that’s over.”

Yeah, well, this week…pshaw! It sucked!

Here is a slice of our day today:

“Lunch lunch I want lunch, mama!”

“OK, we have to wash our hands first.”

“I don’t wanna! Won’t! Don’t wanna!”

“Well then, I guess we can’t have lunch.”

Scream, scream, scream, stomp. Then: “OK, mama, we wash hands!”

“Great. Here, I’ll turn on the water.”

Screams. “I wanted to turn on the water!”

“Jeesh, fine.” I turn off the water.

Screams. “No, no, now it’s not special….now it’s not special.”

“Violet, this is just nonsense.” I hug her head distractedly, trying to ignore the impulse to raise my voice. Be patient now, be patient. She’s only two. “Come on, honey, it’s lunchtime. It’s time to wash your hands.”

Sobbing, she turns on the water. Screams. “Aaaaah, it’s too hot! Too hot!” I feel it. It’s totally tepid.

“It’s not hot, Violet.”

“Yes it is, yes it is.” I turn the water to “cold” and Violet sticks her hands under and screams some more. “Aaaaah, too cold, too cold. I want it warm.” Two microns to the left. “Too hot!” One micron to the right. “Too cooooooooold!”

Thank God, there are no problems with the soap. Then I get her her towel.

“NOOOOOOO! I want Tick-Tock.” She likes this towel my Aunt Pattie made for her with a clock on it. I go get it for her, anything for an easy life, I just want to eat my damned lunch. I hand her Tick-Tock.

“NOOOOOOO I wanted to get it myself! You just hang it here and I’ll get it waaaaaah!” And I scoop her up and sit her down at the lunch table, shaking. How can washing hands take fifteen minutes and leave me ashen and exhausted? I need a cocktail to get through this. I need a double. I need a bathtub full of gin and a two-hour Swedish massage, and then a week-long vacation at some wonderful over-18-only tropical resort. And that was just washing hands! We had 20 more such fights today, over putting on her shoes, socks, shirt, pants and jacket (each item with its own separate tantrum), getting her out the door, what we were going to eat, where we were going to eat it, why we were not going to watch “Dragon Tales” when it was naptime, etc. etc. etc.

I’m not going to make it. She’s going to be the death of me." joyce slaton

just when i think she is going to be the death of me, i am very thankful to say that her dad can take over (when he is home, otherwise i'm toast) and calm the both of us down. and then she says she is sorry and tells me she loves me...it all disappears quicker than it came. anyway, it was good to read this. joyce can be a little blunt at times, but it is nice to identify with someone and not feel alone in these frustrating moments...and she makes me crack up with her stories! on the other hand, i also think of how hard the baby stage was for me and how i would rather deal with this a 1000 times over.







we took abby to chuckee cheese last week (before she got sick). i think dora and charlie brown now have some serious competition. she didn't like the one on stage though, on the picture you see her reaching out, she was wanting ryan to pick her up (she wants ryan to hold her if she feels scared). we also found out that chuckee cheeses friend's name is helen (she likes to know what everyone elses name is). we also got to go ice skating this week, we have pictures but i can't find the camera (ryan knows where it is), so i will share those another day. it was a total disaster, the ice skating. we thought it would be fun. her little friend zoe went with her g-parents and she liked it, so we thought we would give it a try. she hated it. wouldn't even hold on to the little walker. ryan and i ended up with soar arms and back from trying to hold a limp body screaming and twisting refusing to stand on the ice. so we carried her, but that got old soon. so we left. anyway, i think i am finally getting sleepy. hope this all makes sense, as i write it all in the middle of the night......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ps: the picture of the panda bear she posed sammy (the panda bear) with her hat on, so i took the picture....totally random!

as a reference the site where you can find more of joyce's and violet's journals is:
http://blogs.parentcenter.babycenter.com/momformation/2007/10/15/very-violet-week-7-a-rough-patch/#more-525